Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Shock and Awe!

Between answering phone calls from irate customers (The Demon Slayer Bowie Knife looks different from the one on TV!), he dreamed of a job that would allow his true aspiration to take root and flourish: naming military operations. Nothing would have given him greater satisfaction than seeing one of his names on a vast wall map in the Pentagon, bristling with colored pins. In fact, he had once sent three single-spaced pages of possibilities to the Secretary of Defense, noting his favorites  with a green highlighter.

Operation Joy Buzzer.

Operation Green Apple Two-Step.

Operation Bingo Night.

Operation Black Eye.

Operation Candy Land.

Operation Sucker Punch.

Operation Crossbones.

Operation Hoodwink.

Operation Question Mark.

Operation Copperhead.

Operation Rawhide.

Operation Hell's Belles.

Operation Rope-A-Dope.

To his profound disappointment, the Secretary hadn't taken him up on his offer "to shoot the breeze over a couple of beers." No wonder the country was mired in protracted wars in distant lands. The nation's armed forces needed something to rally around, a mouthful of fireworks to inspire heroics. Instead, they listened to pulsing lyrics about gangstas and homies, while the enemy thought up new ways to dismember them. 

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