Studies in Eccentricity #3

She favors cheap ball-point pens that leave explosions of ink and battalions of wounded words.

Studies in Eccentricity #2

He wondered why the name of every U.S. mattress manufacturer began with the letter "s".

Sealy.

Serta.

Simmons.

The thought brought to mind dark alliances and blood pacts, secret handshakes and knowing winks, all part of some League of Morpheus.

Studies in Eccentricity #1

At Brooks Brothers, he witnessed a man ordering a pair of trousers with custom belt loops made from wire coat hangers.

Shock and Awe!

Between answering phone calls from irate customers (The Demon Slayer Bowie Knife looks different from the one on TV!), he dreamed of a job that would allow his true aspiration to take root and flourish: naming military operations. Nothing would have given him greater satisfaction than seeing one of his names on a vast wall map in the Pentagon, bristling with colored pins. In fact, he had once sent three single-spaced pages of possibilities to the Secretary of Defense, noting his favorites  with a green highlighter.

Operation Joy Buzzer.

Operation Green Apple Two-Step.

Operation Bingo Night.

Operation Black Eye.

Operation Candy Land.

Operation Sucker Punch.

Operation Crossbones.

Operation Hoodwink.

Operation Question Mark.

Operation Copperhead.

Operation Rawhide.

Operation Hell's Belles.

Operation Rope-A-Dope.

To his profound disappointment, the Secretary hadn't taken him up on his offer "to shoot the breeze over a couple of beers." No wonder the country was mired in protracted wars in distant lands. The nation's armed forces needed something to rally around, a mouthful of fireworks to inspire heroics. Instead, they listened to pulsing lyrics about gangstas and homies, while the enemy thought up new ways to dismember them.